SO ... WHAT ARE YOU UP TO THESE DAYS?

Jeri Castronova, PhD

Depending on how much you want to talk about it, the choices are usually: a quick answer - not much; a socially acceptable answer - busy with family, job, church, community; or a meaningful, deeply personal revelation that combines a spiritual truth with a glimpse into your own inner truth or psychic insight - which may leave the person with a blank stare, or a simple 'oh.'

This week I've had several friends ask me that, and each time had to stop and think. At a 'Freeing the Inner Goddess' workshop I facilitated recently, all the women told of their lives that had become so hectic, leaving them anxious and de-energized with strange physical aches, while at the same time they also felt more focused, peaceful, and full of energy. How could two totally opposite states of being be? Simple, the Goddess would say. These are all Ascension Symptoms.

The day before the workshop my angel guidance requested a goddess ceremony be included, which was a wonderful addition since I love doing ceremonies, but at such a late date it was not included in the publicity, or allowed time for the participants to bring candles, paper, and crystals. Luckily I keep everything needed on hand for such emergencies.

Releasing impediments to a fully functioning conscious being is the purpose of ceremony, regardless of religion, culture, or timeline. I've participated in and led ceremonies for at least 30 years, in this lifetime. They seem to be a part of me, something that is familiar and comfortable, like a table set with bowls of steaming stew in a warm, dimly lit room on a cold night-something to be enjoyed, savored, and shared.

My first spiritual/metaphysical teacher, Rev. Rosalyn Bruyere, founder of the Healing Light Center in Glendale, CA, taught Egyptian, Atlantean, and Delphic healing and ceremonial techniques, which I still use and have expanded upon depending on the needs of the participants. On my first trip to Egypt and Greece with her group, we did impromptu ceremonies at Luxor and Delphi-still memorable in my heart.

As a Clinical Psychologist, trained in traditional Freudian, Jungian and Adlerian psychology, I worked in the state hospital system in California with schizophrenic, bipolar, suicidal, homicidal, self-abusive, psychopathic, and assaultive patients. I sometimes look back and ask - why did I put myself in such emotionally and physically charged, sometimes dangerous situations? Even with the bureaucratic nonsense, the answer is always: the patients-those I helped, those I couldn't help, and those who didn't give a damn. I didn't realize it then, but the days I thought were wasted on too much paperwork or groups that ended in everyone mad at everyone else or meetings that went nowhere, it all had purpose. It all meant something. At a very deep level, it all meant a karmic completion.

What I know now is much more than I knew then about finishing past timelines. A part of my duties included court testimony as an expert witness in competency hearings. One of my more unforgettable cases was a young man who had been at the hospital only six months who was up for a competency review in his B&E case (breaking and entering). An eighteen-year old African-American first time offender, or rather the first time he'd been caught, he tested at the bottom range of average on the intellectual scale. I saw promise in him, worked with him for months, and did not want him to stay longer, or he'd become institutionalized, as most of our patients were. Raised by his grandmother, he never knew his parents, and had dropped out of school.

I testified that he was ready to leave the hospital and would return to live with his grandmother, who would offer support and help him find a job. He was not assaultive, attended regular therapy and groups, and gained his grounds privileges. The judge granted him his freedom.

Years later I had a dream: I was a young girl in ancient Rome and young men came to me and gave me their gold medallions they had earned in the army. I had around ten of these CD-sized discs they wore around their necks, with no idea what to do with them or why I had them. This was the kind of dream that if someone came to me as a clinician, I'd say: you have a treasure in hand given you by admirers. But it was much more than a superficial dream analysis.

When I mentioned to a psychic friend my experiences at the state hospitals, and the court testimony I did, she said I had known this young man in a life in Rome when, as the daughter of a wealthy senator, soldiers would come and give me their gold medallions, which meant they offered me their lives upon discharge-a common practice among the soldiers who had no family. They could live and work on the estate and would protect the family. When the daughter married, they would go with her and her new husband, thereby assuring their lifelong security if they chose to start a family.

So here we were again-the soldier and the girl-but this time he chose unconsciously to be committed to a hospital where his life was again in jeopardy, and where he would meet the girl who he once protected, and who now protected him. Because he decided to take responsibility for his actions, proving himself worthy, I gave him his freedom.

We walked out of the courtroom in silence, both of us in awe of something greater going on, yet not having a clue what it was. I've never felt that feeling before or since, and I'm sure he felt the same. The completion of karma in the form of Freedom. I realized by giving him a precious gift, I too was blessed. He knew it too. And he recognized the opportunity for a new life, one he would treasure and treat with respect and kindness.

My guidance has told me there were three other Roman soldiers who were in my care, and I knew exactly who they were. All my patients were special, but with these there was a bond, a connection of subtle recognition.

When we reach a stage in life where we look back and see the connections between past and present, we can see the magnificence of the divine plan and the unique choices we make to set up the grand finale. And suddenly the future appears with more clarity. I wouldn't trade those 15 years in the psychiatric hospitals for anything. I learned a great deal about human behavior, the worst and the best. And a lot about myself.

So, what have I been up to? Not much-busy with work, glimpsing past and future, shining light into the shadows, preparing for a conference, and allowing the Inner Goddess to reveal karmic wisdom in ways only She can-through simple and complex Ascension symptoms that are very similar to ancient Roman gold Medallions.